Monday, 7 December 2009

A Recipe for Disaster

I love to cook that is when i find the time. There always seems so much to do around the place. I check daily that all the lights are off and the farms water supply is free from sheep dip and frogs . There are cushions that need plumping, the garbage to maintain, that elusive cornflake to crush underfoot. There is no task too small or pointless that i don't undertake. Finally with most of the day gone I can settle down and do what i like to do most, bring a sense of joy to a select handful of passers-by. So with your fingers poised over the 'print' button, here is my trusty recipe for:
Paint Provincial
It makes a great eyeful for an early evening get together, served with wine or if in London a small canister of oxygen. Accompany with a well chilled crew of bankers or retirees. 12-14 servings

A number of wood panels
A sprinkle of graphite
4 fl. oz. [1/2 cup] tap water
8 tablespoon of good acrylic paint [Rowney]
dissolved in 2 tablespoons extender
A pinch of panic
3 teaspoons of ink
A sprig of Time
1 Date
The skin of a cow
A load of cheese
3 painted ladies

Preheat studio to just above visible breath level 43F (gas mark 48)
Sand and rub the wood panels to a smooth surface. Measure with a ruler and arrange the Graphite. When satisfied set the panel aside.
In a medium sized plate (get permission of a grownup first), combine the water, paint and ink and stir with a 00 Daler nylon brush. Now Paint the solution trying not to over do. Spread the cheese to taste. Cover with tracing paper and wrap with leather (carved the way you like) Garnish with varnish and decorate with butterflies. Add or remove the date depending on the need to sell. Sit back and wait for something to occur. Remove from studio and leave to hang for 3 months.
For best results serve cold yet enthusiastic. Guaranteed to keep 4 people interested for 2 minutes.